Olivia
by Yellow.Iguana
Summary: Has some of Noel's ideas but a lot of my own. Olivia is a work in progress and could do with a lot of support and criticism for how I could improve her story. Selected M for later chapters..
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Note: This is only a rough draft, any comments on how to improve are welcome, however if you continue to read this and wish for continual updates regularly I'm sorry, Olivia is something that I write when I'm inspired to continue to write about her and how she loves after she's lost everything. So please, be patient, and I will try. _

* * *

**One**

We were waiting awkwardly. I had my thumbs hooked in my jeans pockets looking at the floor, counting the tiles. The noise in the reception was unbelievable. I was getting a migraine just standing here waiting. I turned slightly and saw the feet of my new relative. She wore clothes that were of designer origin but had no specific labelling, smart, but not too smart. I could tell that they were of such origins due to my past; when I cared about such trivial things. Dark trousers, a light blouse and a cardigan that hung loosely, the shoes that I was now examining were also designer, heels, and suede, the navy blue variety.  
"So, you must be glad to finally be getting out of the hospital Olivia ?" the strained voice reached my ears through the thrum of other noises, and I looked straight up at the sound of my name, staring at the pale yellow wall ahead, ignoring the people who passed. In reality, I was terrified of leaving with these strangers. I yearned to go home, but on the other hand, that wasn't an option and so I knew I had to be kind to her, she was giving up a lot to take me in.  
"Yes, it will be a great relief to feel the sun."  
I turned to her and smiled my most practiced smile, hoping it would be enough. Her grey-green eyes were full of concern, and I felt awful for causing it. I looked away again, watching an empty wheelchair get pushed along by a tired nurse, her hair frizzed, her eyes half-closed. I felt like that. Dazed.

"Olivia?" Sam, my new Guardian put her hand on my shoulder, I had been daydreaming. I snapped my head up, clearing my head at once, I knew I shouldn't be dreaming like that; of home. Internally kicking myself for thinking of something that couldn't happen I noticed she had dropped her hand, her husband had arrived. James. Again there was the smart designer clothes, but this time it wasn't subtly shown, it was a suit, tie included. The shoes were not a let-down either, not a scuff mark on them, they looked brand new and were incredibly shiny. I figured if I bent over them I would see my reflection perfectly. I looked up to his blue eyes and his gentle smile. Immediately I felt like I could trust him. He had a trustworthy face. I tried not to let that deceive me.  
"Hello." he murmured holding out his hand, I hesitantly shook it, feeling far more formal than I should have done. I felt like I was obligating myself to something, but I didn't quite know what the rules were yet. I guess I wasn't so far off base considering I was to be going to a house with them and meeting their three other children. Would I be expected to take my shoes off before I entered the house? What chores would be expected of me and what wouldn't? Would I have a bed time ?  
"Well," he smiled clapping his hands together as I put mine back in my pocket, "Shall we have a coffee or shall we just head off?"  
Sam looked into the hospital café, it wasn't busy, and I was dreading having to sit there trying to take part in the small-talk that, in my opinion, was wholly unnecessary. She looked towards me, I could sense her eyes on the top of my head, my hair was covering my face, I was watching the floor intently; every grove and every niche was undergoing my scrutiny. What would her decision be ?  
"Shall we just grab something to go?"  
I looked up to see them waiting for me, did they want me to say yes, no or just start walking ? I must have looked blank because James started making eating motions with his hands and then shrugged questioningly at me. I laughed a little politely, and shrugged my shoulders and nodded.  
I followed them like a little lost puppy to the café, and then picked out a ham and salad sandwich when told, and a bottle of water when the drinks selection was available. Sam and James were only having a coffee each, but they decided I might feel hungry on the long drive back so picked up some Salt'n'Shake Crisps and a muffin bigger than my fist. It was a shame there wasn't a questionnaire about the hospital flooring really, I would have been able to give a very detailed answer.

I came into hospital 11 months ago. I arrived by helicopter, and was rushed into surgery. They spent 7 long hours trying to keep me alive. Somehow they managed it, but truth be told, they shouldn't have. I should have died that day, besides the point there is no scientific reason why I'm still alive. I have no reason to be here. I have no place in this world anymore. No happy place.  
We were driving along, all together, all happy. Laughing about something, when suddenly it was over. There was no time to think, no time to react, no squealing of brakes, no crunching of metal. Just darkness. Except for those eyes. I could see eyes, the strangest colour, honey. I tried to blink, and they were gone.

We were walking out of the double set of automatic hospital doors and some sort of buzzing sound went off. However everyone just carried on walking, and I assumed it was normal. However for a scary moment I thought it was an alarm to say I couldn't leave, I was to stay in this place. I couldn't stay, as I looked back along the corridor for what hopefully would be the last time, I realised I had wanted to get out of here more than I ever thought. I needed to feel the sun on my skin.  
I turned and saw the droplets of rain start to fall splattering the pavement were the smokers who had to sit outside had abandoned their cigarettes. I let myself walk out onto the pavement slowly, ignoring the feeling that Sam and James were watching me. Suddenly a few splatters of rain turned into a few drops and I knew I was about to get soaked right through if I didn't get under cover. Typical. But I missed the rain, rain was good. The feeling of moisture in the air, the way it fell upon your hair. What lay beyond the rain wasn't quite so good. Sitting, in full glory was a Rolls Royce Ghost. I could only assume it was waiting for James and Sam, and now for me as well.  
I paused, as were so many others, to take in the sleek smooth exterior, the shiny black paint and the silver lining seemed to caress the windows and door handles. The eagle stood boldly upon the bonnet stretching its silver wings back. Fighting the rain and the wind that was picking up. The feet welded in position, having no choice but to be swept to wherever it was told, and once I got in that vehicle I too would be swept away.  
I took the two remaining steps, tripped a little, blushed, and fell into the fresh smell of leather and the mahogany veneer. The busyness had disappeared, and I felt like I had been sucked into a black hole. A deep dark expensive black hole.

James was driving and Sam was in the front passenger side, leaving me to sit behind her, this way she couldn't glance at me so easily. Oh how I wished we could have gotten into the Jurassic-aged Volvo or even the rusted-to-a-fine-art fiesta that happened to be parked on either side of this monster that was deliberately sent out to try and lure back into thinking I could own anything and everything and be anyone I wanted. I was going to be tested with this family. That much I knew.  
I tried to get comfortable as I knew we had a long journey but I was also forcing myself to feel out of place. Suddenly, Sam's arm appeared from around the seat and handed me my drink and sandwich, and also a napkin.  
"Thank-you." I whispered, I had no doubt she could hear me, the Ghost was literally that, a ghost. Would I disappear if I sat quietly? I slowly unfolded the napkin and placed it across my knees, it was dark blue, Sam must have picked it up somewhere other than the hospital whose napkins I noticed were yellow along with the rest of the interior. I then dug my nails into the edge of the plastic holder of the sandwich container I opened it slowly, and tried not to spill anything like salad onto the cream leather seats. I was just grateful I hadn't chosen anything that smelled, like tuna.  
I gradually picked it apart and tried to eat noiselessly, the ham and bread was ok, the salad however, not so easy. I felt like a scared rabbit caught in the headlights at the back. I looked at the water but I didn't want to risk going over a bump and spilling it everywhere. The cap stayed firmly in place. I finished the sandwiches and placed the lid back on the triangular container. Then the muffin and crisps appeared. I took them slowly.  
"Well," she said cheerfully, "We don't want the boys to argue over the muffin when we get back, that could get ugly."  
I laughed again quietly, placing those to on my lap, muffin crumbs being worse than bread ones. I slowly picked away at it, watching as an hour went by. We were cruising past the Mondeos, Fords, and big lorries. All the while I was desperate for a soothing drink. I watched as the rain drops slid down the window as we passed a cargo trailer. My reflection paled and distant. I sighed.

Suddenly we turned off for a Service station and I was asked whether I wanted to stretch my legs. I gladly nodded and took my bottle of water with me as I stepped out of the car. I quickly grabbed the belt loop of my jeans to prevent them falling down, embarrassing thought, but dropped the bottle in the process. As soon as I was out in the rain I realised I should have stayed in the car, I had no coat and was about to get soaked with nothing to prevent me from keeping the car dry: _Great_. I picked up the bottle and opened it slowly, making the best of the unfortunate circumstances. However, all was not lost. Sam came to my rescue. Opening a huge umbrella over my head I looked at her and smiled as she looked back at me with a smile that said everything.  
I had nothing, the clothes I was wearing had been salvaged from the local charity shop, my belongings were at my house, and I hadn't the heart nor the courage to go there and sort out what I wanted, therefore I had asked someone to just go to the nearest charity shop and get me something. A pair of boys jeans, four sizes too big, a Nike jumper that I had had to roll the sleeves up several times, and slip on shoes. I looked like a mess, but then, it wasn't my fault. Was it ?

I looked down to the bottle and took a sip when Sam started walking. I hurried to catch up, she strolled through the automatic doors and folded down the umbrella as though it was another limb. I was impressed at her grace.  
I came to an unexpected sudden halt and almost fell backwards. Someone had grabbed my shoulder and stopped me in my tracks. I looked around to see a beefy security guard in the typical black outfit with a torch, a set of keys, and some sort of walkie-talkie device attached to his belt.  
"Excuse me, I was talking to you." he grumbled a noise that was surely not meant to be so deep. If his overall size hadn't originally terrified me enough, that surely would have. Everyone turned to stare. I didn't dare try and see if Sam had realized what had happened. I didn't dare move. He was going to shunt me down to a cell somewhere for following her, I was clearly someone below her standard, I could be seen as a deranged stalker. I could go to jail. I was panicking, reckless thoughts flooding my mind, I could run, flee. Then he waved another huge hand in front of my face.  
"Hello? Kid, you there?"  
I looked back up and he held out his hand, and in it was the small butterfly charm that had been on Rosie's necklace. The one they had given me after the surgery. Tears threatened to fall and the man looked alarmed as he passed it over.  
"It fell out of your pocket when you bent down to pick something up, looks important, didn't want you to lose it now did I?" he smiled kindly, then turned and walked away.

I gripped it tightly, blinking ferociously to fight the tears and turned to try and find Sam. She hadn't seen what had happened, and hadn't stopped. I was standing here, not a clue where we were, and no idea what to do. I could try and find her in these crowds, but that could be more pointless than just standing here aimlessly. I could go back and stand by the car, and be picked up for loitering: this was just perfect. I could always try and reach out for her ? I was saved by a tap on the shoulder.

"Olivia, what happened ? Where's Sam?" James asked, looking concerned that I was standing alone facing a sea of people who were travelling to all different destinations across the country. He thought I was about to hitch-hike and run ? Well, a person with nothing to lose was a dangerous person agreed, but how could _I _be dangerous ?

"I, I don't know, I dropped something and then looked up and she'd gone." I lied quickly, no need to get security guards involved, I didn't need that sort of first impression stamped onto my forehead. I had enough issues.  
"That's ok, I think I know where she went." he said, and lead the way through the crowds who parted easily for his expensive suit. I stayed close on his heels, and tried not to be swallowed by the crowd again. This service station was probably one of the biggest service stations I had ever seen. It was more like a shopping centre. Shops lined the tiled corridor, such as H&M and Primark, there was also other outlets such as fast food stores, Burger King and KFC's bright logos were the first to catch my eye, not that I ever ate there before. I was too concerned with keeping my figure. I automatically shivered at the thought of French fries and a greasy burger. We found Sam in a clothes shop, picking out a pair of jeans. She smiled when we approached, she didn't seem at all disconcerted that I had just disappeared from her side. Did her kids do that often? Was I expected to be very independent? I was, after all, 18, but then after so long in a hospital you begin to depend on people. You depend on people making you your food, reminding you constantly of appointments, you depend on the little things like the fact a nurse always bobbed her head around the door of my private room for the first few months just to say she would be there. Would anyway say they were going to be there just because ?

"Do you like these Olivia?" She asked holding out a pair of jeans that were navy blue. Plain. Could have been a lot worse, I shrugged and nodded, to troubled to wonder why. She looked me up and down quickly and murmured something about not being able to tell what size I was, then dumped one of each size in the basket, which she consequently handed to James, who looked at me and rolled his eyes. Apparently this was the norm. I smiled slightly, shifting my concentration from past and future to present, which appeared to be a lot more pressing.  
She then moved to the t-shirts and pointed to them, telling me to pick out one I liked, she explained this was only for the rest of the journey. I jerked a nod and looked. A plain mint green t-shirt. Perfect. I thought we'd be done, but no, she picked out one of each size (not noticing James' arm slag slightly more with the weight) and moved onto the hooded jumpers. I cringed at their designer origins. Animal, and Roxy were the favourites on show. White, zip-less, with Roxy emblazoned across the front in grey. I didn't even look at the price tag. I didn't want to know.

I stood in the changing rooms trying not to hyper-ventilate. This was almost too much, I had only just met these people and they are already buying me outfits that would surely cost over £50, _and _Sam said it was only for the rest of the journey, did that meant that there was more ? Or, I gulped, did this mean that they had gone back to my house? I remembered how we had left that morning, Rosie had been so excited she couldn't even be ashamed enough at the state of her room, her sweet little room; _Stop! _My clammy hands were pressed against the wall as I stared at the floor again trying to stop the dizziness. I was avoiding looking at the mirror. I took three measured breaths. I looked at my new outfit which, I had figured out fitted, then started changing back so it could be paid for. I unbolted the door and had the rejects in one hand and had my new outfit in the other. Sam looked truly delighted.  
"Perfect." she chimed, "Now we can go pay for this and you can go change in the toilets, and it'll be great!"

Too much, I dropped the clothes and ran, I skidded to a halt outside the shop clutching my stomach, looking either way. My forehead sweaty and my hands too hot, I ran off to my left, Sam in close pursuit.  
"Olivia!" she called, as people quickly parted, not for expense, but for my green colour. I barged into the toilets and skipped the long line, ignored the muttering and dirty looks and ran to the nearest cubicle, almost jumping over the elderly lady who was walking out. I slammed the door and emptied my stomach.  
I leant against the wall for quite a while just breathing when a timid knock came on the door.  
"Olivia, I know, I know this is quite new, I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you, but I just thought I was helping to get things that fit properly. If you want to change or wait that's fine sweetie, I'll slide the bag under the door."

I watched the bag come under the door and just looked at it. Slowly I got changed, making sure to take my butterfly with me. I felt more feminine at least. I put the old clothes into the bag and quietly slid the bolt back and stepped out. Sam smiled and I did my best to muster a small smile back. She took my bag in one hand then guided me out by my shoulders with the other.  
We went to a café and sat quietly with James and had a hot drink and slice of cake. I stirred my hot chocolate silently and contemplated eating the slice of blackberry cheesecake that was sitting next to the mug on a plate. I turned slightly to face my new Guardians, I felt they needed some sort of apology.  
"I'm sorry, that must have seemed very rude, but I really didn't mean it. I guess I was just a little overwhelmed but I do appreciate it." It was the longest sentence I'd said and they didn't say anything for a second.  
"Olivia," James answered, "We can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to be in your position, so for you to be this strong, it's incredible, please, don't apologize for being human, it would make us nervous if you weren't."  
He laughed a little at the end and I smiled again. It just felt so forced. I picked up my fork and stabbed at the cheesecake taking a bite to prevent the need for me to talk again, and it was surprisingly good, I was surprised by how much I needed the sugar.

When we were done we went back to the car and began the rest of the journey. It was still raining, but soon we turned off the motorway and we were on the windy country roads. The sick feeling was returning. I had been on these types of roads before, but I had Rosie to keep me company then, we could distract each other, laugh when we saw funny things, sing songs together. Now I was alone in a strange car with yet stranger people. I sighed and held my stomach. Maybe James realised I felt ill.  
"Well Olivia, we're almost there now, about half an hour." He said. I nodded so he could see that I heard in the rear-view mirror. "You'll be starting Budehaven Sixth Form when you feel like you're ready. We thought it would be best for you, Faith and Liam go there, of course Liam doesn't go to the college but it's a Community School as well, he's just started Year 7, it will be another friendly face. I'm sure they will both help you get along there very well."  
I nodded again, ignoring the fact the decision had been made for me. Being in hospital for any length of time anyone could learn to understand that making decisions is a privilege that is earned. I had a dilemma; going to school would mean facing mine, and everyone else's teenage problems, as well as the constant reminders of what has happened, but then, I could stay at the house, wherever that may be, and get the sympathy vote and 'I understand' routine from Sam and James, the routine which I've had from all the councillors and psychologists over the last 11 months, but no, I don't think they could understand, how could they ? They would say I was insane if I told them. I _thought_ I was insane! No, it just wouldn't be right to tell them they've adopted a freak.

I looked out of the window as we glided around a corner. There wasn't a lot to see, through the rain drops I could see a hedge, then a bit of fence, and then some more hedge. _Fascinating_. Suddenly I could see the sea, big and blue. I couldn't see where it ended on the shore, we weren't at the right angle for that, but I saw the dark blue expanse that could be nothing else but the sea. The only thing that spoiled it was the dark cloud overhanging it.  
"Your room overlooks the sea," Sam said thoughtfully staring off into the horizon, "That's of course if you like the room we thought you could have."  
I just looked at the back of her head, I had a choice ? It was like a hotel, I ignored the squirming feeling in my stomach that had never really settled, maybe it would be better when we got out of the car.  
"Thanks" I said uncertainly looking back out of the window, instantly killing the conversation, I seemed to be developing a talent for that.

Half an hour passed and the indicator echo startled me as we swung off the road into a lane that I would have never seen unless I knew it was there. The road was smooth and the trees and shrubs cut back perfectly to allow us through with perfect ease, it was as though nature had been designed for this road to be here.  
We slowly rolled to a stop. We had reached a pair of gates, easily 20 feet tall and ornately designed. They were attached to a fence, the same height, topped with barbed wire which disappeared into the trees. I raised my eyebrows. These people seemed to take burglaries very seriously.  
Then taking my eyes back down to ground level I saw a box room with a man inside wearing a black suit with a white shirt and black tie. He gave a cheery wave, though I knew he couldn't see inside the blacked out windows. He was extremely wide and was reading a book, he reached down and seemed to take a while doing something, then the iron gates started to swing inwards. Cleanly, and with no noise we were admitted.

My jaw dropped as we came into view of the house, shock was an understatement.

A mansion sized property stretched out in front of me, an audible gasp escaped my lips. The pure white building looked like it had always been here. Windows layered the front, light reflecting off it, as I looked at least ten windows spread wide across, but these were not ordinary sized windows easily for times the size of normal ones and the gaps between the windows were like semi-detached house width in itself .  
_Who were these people?  
_The building looked brand new, though I knew from what people had told me that this family had been here for a long time. The modern design was elegant and sophisticated while cream coloured angels stood atop cream coloured pillars and decorated the edges of guttering that was certainly not of the plastic kind, there was an edge that gave it a modern but in touch with history style.  
As we continued up the lengthy drive past the lawn, not a blade of grass was out of place, the swing benches hung in the drizzle, there canopy's giving them some shelter. Though the sight was impressive it was disappointing. These two adults had two younger boys. Were they not allowed to play ? This garden seemed to be immaculate, no footballs, no trampoline, no goalposts, no swings, where were the toys ? James and Sam were apparently not all they were cracked up to be, and I had been ignorant enough to think otherwise.  
We swung gracefully round the fountain round-about by the front doors and came to a graceful stop. I unbuckled myself. I was helped out of the car and looked around. Now I was outside everything looked even grander. I glanced up and saw the height of the building itself. I snapped my head down. That was tall.

"Lets get you inside." Sam said, being very motherly. What she didn't understand is right now, after so long in hospital, I wanted to breathe un-sterilized air, to feel the breeze on my face and in my hair. However she took my shoulders and lead me up the pale granite steps towards the double front doors with the gold handles.  
I sighed, I was walking into a new life, and out of an old one. Goodbye Rosie, Mum and Dad. I love you.

She swung the door open and ushered me in. I stepped forward and looked around nervously. Three people stood waiting. Had the man at the gate rung forward ? Probably. They were all shorter than me, two boys, one girl. The girl was the eldest, my age I guess. Faith ? Then next to her was a brown haired boy, he was probably Liam, who else could he be ? Then there was the smallest child. No older than seven I would say. Little sweetheart, blonde hair blue eyes. However, something told me his sweetheart impression was only that, an impression.  
Sam took me a few steps further until my smaller steps forced her to stop. She turned slightly to face us all.  
"Right, well, this is Faith, and this is Liam," she introduced the girl and the taller of the two boys first, Faith smiled slightly, I noticed she was least like her parents. I could only see the resemblance of her nose. Other than that she was fairly different. Maybe she was more like her grandparents. Then I looked at Liam who gave a little wave with a grin. He had dark hair with blue eyes. Definitely got those from James. "and this is Nathan." she finished pointing to the smallest. His smile was the widest and he scrunched his eyes up behind his gold glasses.  
"Guys," James said from behind me, I was startled, I hadn't heard him come in from behind us which was a bit stupid really, "This is Olivia."

I tried to smile as we stood in silence, I tried to do anything, but I was frozen. I was past drowning in the water right now. It was Nathan who was coming to save me from this mess.  
"Olivia, Faith told me we had to be nice to you, you don't have any toys, you can share mine."  
I risked a quick glance at Faith who was a deep shade of red, so I looked back to Nathan and nodded slowly.  
"Thanks." I mumbled. Immediately though, he ran forward and grabbed my hand, leading my off down a hallway. I chanced a look back to see Liam and James watching and Faith and Sam already in a deep hushed conversation. I had no idea what we were doing or where we were going, all I knew was this little boy was taking me somewhere and no one was stopping him, I assumed he wouldn't get me lost.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

He took me to a pair of white double doors. Everything here was white and cream. How could the children keep it so neat and tidy ? I was astounded there wasn't a speck of dust in sight, a scuff mark anywhere; nothing. Then Nathan opened the doors and I understood why.

A huge room lay before me, filled from floor to ceiling with toys and gadgets of every sort. Then in the far corner there was a painting area. Nothing was put away at all. I think I understood the rules. As long as the house is tidy, this is their room. To be fair I couldn't see anything broken, and the bin wasn't overflowing. Nathan looked up and I smiled again. He ran off and shortly came back with a tiny plastic police car and a fire engine.

"Play with me !" he shouted, making me jump. His boisterous loud attitude was surprising after the long months with machines to keep me company. Of course I had had nurses and doctors to keep me company, but they're not the same as a child are they ?

"Nathan, Dad wants you."

I turned and Faith was standing in the doorway looking at the boy. He put the fire engine into the nearest box and ran from the room shouting "Bye!" as he went. Faith stood there, 3 feet from me wearing jeans and a t shirt, with a pair of odd socks. I was so glad we weren't matching too much. She had freckles, and light orange hair, with matching eyes, I had never seen eyes that colour before, except after the crash, but they were more yellow.

"Dad wants me to ask which room you want, and Mum wants me to tell you if there's anything you need or want just come find me." She paused and bit her lip, she wasn't supposed to tell me her parents wanted her to do those things, it was supposed to be a bonding session. She sighed.

"I'm here if you need or want to talk, and please don't hate me for saying this, but everyone just expects you to join this family. You can, but not in the way they want you to. You had a sister, and a Mum and Dad. You had a family, and you can't just join another one like that, I won't replace someone because that's not right. I can love you like a sister, but it would insult her memory to be anything more."

I stared for a few seconds trying to process the words properly. My eyes watered, and her face fell so quickly, she looked so ashamed. She seemed to rock backwards and forwards, as though unsure whether to come comfort me or not.

"Maybe some day things will change," I choked out, fighting back the tears, "but right now, you are the only one who has made sense to me."

She laughed out a little, and also sounded like she was going to cry, we stood looking away as though giving each other privacy to calm down. I was grateful for this at least. I wiped my eyes and tucked my hair behind my ears.

"So that was your Mum's request, should we get your Dad's sorted ?" I gulped nervously, this was something I wasn't particularly looking forward to.

"Sure." She replied, then started to turn, "Er, this house, it's all a little grand, but if you feel like you want to just get out of here for a while, tell me, we can get some horses and just go. I wouldn't advise going on your own until you know the area though. The horses know their way back but that's not to say they'll take it."

I nodded again, why was she being like this ? I tried to see clearly, but it was jumbled, too quick. I walked out of the room after her and closed the double doors slowly.

"All the doors leading to the rooms are double, with the sizes of the rooms it just would be out of proportion to have one door."

I nodded and looked at the wide corridors as she led me up a flight of stairs which held gold frames with photos of the family in them. I saw them all at the beach, laughing together on a picnic blanket. I clutched my butterfly tightly, swallowing the lump in my throat, trying to get the tightness in my chest to go away. I carried on walking, looking straight ahead, not at the photos.

We were on another hallway but she took me up another flight of stairs and then led me down that corridor.

"That other floor had a library, and my Mum and Dad's study and Conference room, that's off-limits completely unless there's a mass-murderer in the house, and then we're allowed." she laughed, obviously trying to lighten the mood, I tried to laugh with her, no sound came out, I closed my eyes. We walked down another light airy corridor. This had views across the front lawn, and as I looked through a window as tall as my old house a car was driving along. A ford mustang, I watched as Faith whipped out her phone and quickly dialled a number, she whispered some words, and the car just rolled around the fountain and went out again. She blushed red and carried on walking.

"Mum had a speaker system installed, it's all around the house, so when she wants to talk to one or all of us she can just use that, don't worry it's only one way, she can't hear anything we're saying, I tested it." She grinned quickly, then stopped at yet another pair of double doors.

"Right, this can be your room if you want, if you don't like it then we can look around at some others, or even ask Mum if you want to paint it, I'm sure that'll be fine, Mum loves an excuse to re-decorate. Even if you want to look around the other rooms just in case you prefer a different one that's also cool, but yeh, so anyway." She waited rocking on her heels for me to open the doors, as though it was some kind of honour, I felt sick again, would it be rude to ask where the nearest bathroom was ? I slowly pushed the handles down and leant my weight forwards. They swung back when I released them to reveal a huge room. I almost collapsed then. I grabbed the door frame for support. The room was spinning. Distantly I heard Faith's voice.

"Olivia ? You need to sit down, come on."

I couldn't, I felt sick, I could feel it, oh no! I was going to be sick on these caramel carpets. I grimaced. Faith seemed to put her arms around my waist and awkwardly half carry me half drag me across the room. I couldn't open my eyes yet, my head was pounding and my stomach was still threatening to overflow. Then someone tipped something cool to my lips and I drank it eagerly.

"No, you have to sip it!" she ordered, taking it away again. I nodded slightly then immediately regretted it, my stomach turned and I felt light-headed again. Faith offered me some more water. I sipped obediently. Slowly my head returned to normal and I opened my eyes. Faith had carried me a surprisingly far distance, my turn to blush.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly, it must be so different. I'm just happy you didn't go full out, I'd hate to have to run all the way down to Mum to have to run all the way back up."

I smiled slowly and looked around. I was sitting with her on a king sized bed with white sheets and a chocolate frame. There was a sophisticated looking drinks bar in the far corner, which is where Faith must have got the ice cold water from, and behind me there was a balcony running the length of the room. Which could be accessed by two windows. These windows were separated by a wall, on which was a television, a flat screen which was bigger than any TV I had ever seen in my life. To the left of the doors of which we had just come in there was a chocolate coloured leather couch and on the other side a mahogany desk and bookcase. On the desk there was a laptop, iPhone, and iPod. All of them looked brand new.

I looked over to Faith and decided that manners weren't an issue right now, I really couldn't afford the embarrassment. "I'm sorry where's the nearest bathroom?"

She nodded in understanding, and pointed to the wall opposite us, "That panel there" It was chocolate brown with white flower designs on it, "It slides across to your right, it's an en-suite."

I just shook my head and half walked, half ran and slid it across. Sure enough there was a an en-suite bathroom, bigger than my old room, but it was a bathroom. I looked in the mirror that covered one wall. I looked very pale and sweaty. I turned around and saw the bath and separate shower, I turned back and turned on one of the golden taps and watched the water flow. I washed down my face and felt slightly better. I dried my dripping skin on the fluffy white towel hanging from the wall to my left. I walked back out and Faith was twiddling with a piece of her hair. She looked up, and smiled slowly.

"Feel better ?" she asked softly. I shrugged slightly and she nodded. "Mum just called for tea, so if you feel hungry we can go down."

I nodded, she shouldn't have to suffer along with me. That wasn't right, she hadn't done anything wrong. She hadn't abandoned her family. I walked with her back along the hallways.

"What do your parents do?" I asked quietly, for this set-up they must be rolling in the money, so either they won the lottery or are in the technology business.

"No idea," she replied laughing a little at my expression, "They work up at the satellite dishes at Morwentow, it's a top secret place. The whole 'If I told you I'd have to kill you' routine. It's a bit embarrassing really, when it comes to people asking what they do and I reply 'I don't know but when I ask for something nicely they buy me whatever I want' makes me seem shallow, I either avoid the topic or have to word it very carefully. I'm not sure the word 'Spy' is the right word, but I can't think of anything else, and besides, don't want to blow their cover right ? And, I like it here, I like my friends." She laughed again at me, I was in shock. They were spies ? That explained the gates and the fence, and the box room, and what I'd seen. But spies ? I'd walked into something much more dangerous than I thought. One step out of line and I'd probably find myself with a bullet in my chest._ Oh this is just great_.

"Oh and by the way, my room is the second pair of double doors up from yours, just if you ever need some company, don't tell Mum, but I don't really sleep." the corner of her lips threatened to rise as a rebellious glint flashed in her eyes.

We entered the dining room and I wasn't surprised when I saw a dining table big enough to seat 12. The two boys were already sitting at one end, their place mats right up against the edge. I sat down slowly next to Faith, the knives and forks where set out perfectly against the place mats, the tall empty glasses set just right on the coasters. I looked around and James was no where to be seen. Then, as though on queue, Sam explained;

"James had an emergency meeting, he was really sorry he couldn't be here Olivia, he just couldn't cancel, you know what those board meetings are like." she laughed and turned back to the kitchen while Faith rolled her eyes. I looked back down to the mat, at least it was one less person to be concerned with. I looked over to the two boys who were staring at me. I gulped and looked down, twiddling my thumbs so to speak. Suddenly Sam started bringing dishes over and placing them in the centre of the table, Faith stood to help. I rose to my feet and was immediately given a stern look.

"No, Olivia, this is your welcome home dinner, you just sit back down and relax, let us take care of everything."

I slowly sat back down taking that in, I looked to Faith who carried over a bowl with a lid on, she touched my shoulder slightly in reassurance. Welcome home dinner. This wasn't my home. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be welcomed. These people were far too nice to me. I struggled with my mind, trying to grasp how to smile again, could I excuse myself ? Should I? I knew that really I couldn't, if what Sam had said was true, this spread was for me ? Well I couldn't leave could I ? I dug my hand in my pocket and pulled out my butterfly.

I looked back up to see so many dishes placed on the table. I raised my eyebrows to Liam and Nathan. Liam just grinned and clapped his hands together.

"Keep your hands to yourself you or you'll be washing… by hand" his mother warned. Liam's jaw dropped as he again looked at the sight of them all and then, by the looks of it, sat on his hands. Nathan laughed, his face lightening up, his eyes scrunching together.

"Don't know what your laughing about," his Mum continued, "You'll be drying."

The little boy immediately fell quiet as shock hit his face. I looked to Sam who winked at me, I smiled a little. Could I ever consider this my home ? No. I wouldn't. I had a home. This would never be my home.

I found Sam generously piling food onto my plate, it was enough to feed three, but it did look good. Faith was dishing up similar helpings for Liam and Nathan, then about a quarter for herself. I looked pointedly and she smiled.

"There you go Olivia, help your self to a drink and things, enjoy won't you, gravy is there, just leave anything you don't like, and leave room for pudding."

I flashed another look to Faith who just shrugged and started cutting the roast chicken. I looked down, I would never get through all this. I slowly picked up the ornate silver fork and pierced a runner bean. Nathan and Liam were viciously attacking their meals, and I popped the bean into my mouth. It was nice, I had another, then moved onto the cauliflower. There was enough vegetables here to keep a rabbit happy for a week, but I made sure I had a little bit of each, and starting cutting through my roast potatoes when Sam starting talking.

"So Olivia," she said, holding her fork to her plate, "tell us about yourself."

I froze, as did everyone, Liam and Nathan looked at me, and Faith looked at her Mum. I stared at my plate. What could I say ? What _should_ I say ? I scrambled my thoughts together then Faith stood abruptly.

"Who would like some water?" she asked loudly, picking up the jug and almost sloshing it everywhere, I took advantage of the situation to grip my butterfly more tightly in my right hand and then ask for some in a small voice. I sipped it slowly. It had lemon and ice, more suited to the middle of summer, but it meant I could avoid the question, anything for that. I continued to eat afterwards as though Sam had never spoken, as though it had never occurred.

I slowly chewed the chicken and put down my knife and fork. I had managed over half of what I had been served, and Faith looked impressed. She herself had left only a little. The boys themselves polished their plates and eyed the dishes with the food remaining.

"Don't even think about it," Sam warned, "That's for your Dad, he was meant to be home by now." she said checking a small chic watch on her wrist.

She stood and started clearing dishes, and this time I was adamant I would help. The double doors from the kitchen to the dining room where hinged to swing either way, and when I saw the size of the kitchen I almost dropped the pile of plates I was holding. It was huge, cabinet surfaces surrounded the walls, an oven big enough for me to fit in sat against the opposite wall, I shuddered at that thought and pushed it from my mind. A breakfast bar sat in the middle of the room, surrounded by bar-type stools. It had taken on the classic black and white design. The surfaces were black marble and the walls and flooring were white, the flooring being tile. It looked immaculate. I followed Faith slowly and put the plates onto the side by a huge white sink. She looked at me and started in a low voice.

"Look, I'm sorry about her, she's just excited, I know it's kind of the wrong emotion, and I've tried telling her, but well, yeah, you've seen the results, I'm really sorry."

I shook my head, I didn't say anything, hoping my face would be enough, show my feelings, I was confused, I just needed alone time, and instead I was having dinner with this family.

Sam walked in and when I turned she had another big smile on her face, always a big smile, was she always like this ? Somehow I doubted this, this stress marks on her skin, the small amount of grey hairs that were showing told a different story.

"Pudding!" she chimed. I felt my eyes widen slightly, and she looked disappointed, "Can you not manage any Olivia? I can always save some if you'd rather."

I shook my head and smiled, I couldn't disappoint a face like that. Her face immediately changed and she opened a floor to ceiling fridge cleverly disguised as a cupboard, and started lifting out different desserts. I watched as a trifle, lemon meringue pie, a plate size jam tart, and she turned;

"Faith," she pointed as she took several clean serving spoons out of a drawer, " The apple crumble is in the oven, could you take it out please?"

I watched as she took the oven gloves from a concealed cubby hole and lifted yet another dish from the oven. With this amount of dishes alone I could see the need of the huge kitchen, let alone the food needed. I picked up the trifle, then, paused and set it back down, not a chance was I going to be to blame for tripping and sending that everywhere. Instead I picked up the meringue and took it through the swing doors. Sam had taken a tub of Walls Ice Cream as well as the serving spoons and had already passed me on her way back to the kitchen. Faith had closely followed me through and everything happened in slow motion. I was standing behind my chair, and I saw Liam stick his foot out, Faith hadn't seen, she was too busy concentrating on not dropping the huge trifle in her arms. I jumped forward and snatched the trifle, taking it quickly and placing it central on the table. I looked back to see them all looking at my peculiar action. I just pointed to Liam and then to his feet, one of which was just curling around the table leg. Faith caught on immediately. She stared at him with looks that she inherited from her mother, he cowered back in his seat.

"Thanks," she whispered, "Mum would have slaughtered me if I ruined her trifle, it's the first one to go right. She's really happy with it."

I smiled slightly.

"How did you know?" she asked, confused, obviously referring to the fact Liam hadn't stuck his foot out yet. I shrugged and turned to go back to the kitchen, hoping she wouldn't pursue the issue, thankfully we didn't get another chance to converse privately.

I was again helped to a piece of everything, the trifle was nice, nothing special, but it was her first, it was good for the first to be edible. The apple crumble was the best, I had some with ice cream, and was definitely bloated afterwards.

I was told to sit and stay afterwards, and Sam, Faith and Liam cleared the table. They walked back in, and Faith then decided to break the ice that was quickly forming.

"Olivia, I've just realised something, you need things like jamjams and toothbrush and things."

Jamjams ? I thought, she must mean pyjamas. I could go with that. I nodded and looked outside one of the ceiling to floor windows. Light was fast disappearing.

"I can take you to the Morrisons, I'm not sure they do jamjams but if we're quick we can get a toothbrush and stuff for temporary use until you decide what you want to do."

I looked at her, and she just looked at me, then pointed to the door. I stood, then looked to Sam,

"Thankyou, for this, it's been very nice."

She smiled and touched my arm "You're very welcome, any time."

I left the room and heard the boys try to escape. Faith lead me to the hall where she said she would get a car. I waited for two minutes and 37 seconds according to the grandfather clock standing in an alcove when Faith pulled up in a blue, white topped, mini cooper. I walked down the stairs and opened the door.

"Yours?" I asked as I looked at the CD player, the funky interior, she grinned again as she turned round the last half of the fountain and started down the drive.

"Birthday present." she replied, stroking the wheel slightly.

"Some present." I muttered, she laughed.

We sped through the lanes and soon went through a small town called 'Stratton' which consisted of cottages, a church, and a few historic shop fronts. We then passed a Veterinary Practice on a junction and turned onto a long road down to a roundabout. Turning round to Morrisons. Faith smoothly parked, and we got out, I closed the door quietly. She held out the button and beeped the car. She then looked at the key.

"Olivia, catch!" she tossed it to me, and I immediately held out my hand, it fell just short, but I lunged after it, reaching with my other hand, saving it centimetres from the floor. I looked at her questioningly.

"I always lose them, it's a talent." she explained solemnly. I just nodded and slipped them in my jeans pocket. We walked through the automatic doors and then through the smaller gates that were waist height that only opened one way to prevent you walking out with anything you hadn't paid for. We walked to the second aisle and stopped at the toothbrushes, now what ?

"Hmm," she murmured, looking at them as though she were about to pick one to eat, "I like to have a medium bristle one, you?"

I raised my eyebrows slightly, I didn't even know. The hospital issued toothbrushes, one type and one type only. When I explained this she nodded, this didn't seem to phase her.

"Why don't you go get a basket then ?" she said, it wasn't rushed, forced, it was like commenting on the weather. But we were going to fill a basket with toothbrushes ? I just turned and headed back down the aisle. I passed a group of boys who were laughing loudly as they entered, I felt myself flush hot red, and I didn't even know why, I had no reason to be concerned with these people. I kept my head down and just headed back to Faith as inconspicuously as possible. I got to the bottom of the aisle and hesitated. She was standing with two other girls, talking animatedly with them. I waited looking at the wiring on the basket, looking at the damaged yellow handles.

"Olivia!" Faith called gently, the girls were looking and I gulped, I really didn't want to walk over there, I clumped one foot in front of the other, my feet seemed to be so heavy footed on this surface. I tried to quieten them, stop the echoing in my head, but I was there, I could stop. I tried to smile; nothing.

"This is Gina," Faith said, referring to the girl with shoulder length brown hair, which had been desperately flattened with straighteners, but was stubbornly big, she had a heart-shaped face with translucent looking skin with blue eyes. She wore a plain jumper with leggings and flip-flops. I nodded and she smiled generously.

"and this is Shannon." Faith continued, Shannon was the opposite, blonde hair, darker than mine, slimmer figure, but she also had blue eyes. She wore jeans and a cardigan type jumper that clung to her.

We stood in silence except for our minds, suddenly Faith claimed we had to be going, and we moved away.

As she dumped a lot of different colour toothbrushes in the bottom of the basket she explained that Gina went to the Sixth Form, but Shannon went to Truro College, and she was studying there because it offered a wider range of subjects than Budehaven. As she put the toothbrushes in, they fell through the bottom. She just looked at them and sighed.

"Typical."

She walked off leaving me standing left to a mess of toothbrushes, but she couldn't go far so I put the basket down and slowly gathered them up in my hands. She came back with a newspaper and put it in the bottom of the basket. I then placed the toothbrushes on top. The Daily Mail certainly had a use. Wayne Rooney's head was hardly visible through clear plastic, his nose and eyes were contorted, bulging, I looked away.

Faith then took me to the shampoos and conditioners. I looked at the variety then at her.

"You had military issued stuff huh?" she joked, and I nodded glumly. She touched my shoulder gently again, and smiled.

"It's ok, we'll soon get you sorted." she took a step away and placed her hands on her hips, dipping one of her knees so her hips were angled. She pouted and scrutinized my head. She looked back at the shelves then picked up a pink and red bottle. She read the front for a few seconds then turned it to show me.

Strawberry and cream, volume and gloss enhancing shampoo and conditioner. I shrugged and nodded. Two bottles of each went into the basket, then some hair serum. She then dropped in a baby blue shower puff ball and a rubber duck with sunglasses. I raised an eyebrow.

"For me," she blushed, "Personalisation."

Then we turned and saw the Tampax and sanitary towels. She looked at me and nodded, I shook my head and held up the number of weeks, she nodded and dumped some in the basket just in case. I just carried on. Next went in a variety on shower gels, bath soaps and salts, razors, she was completely kitting me out. Nowhere I saw pyjamas.

Then she stood me in front of the body sprays, I slowly pointed to one of the Morrison's own brand. She then shook her head and covered them up with her arms. Nodding with her head towards the designer labels. I frowned and she stared at me. I puffed my chest out and pointed at the Impulse variety; Paris.

She smiled in victory and then put one of each variety into the basket. I grabbed the cans and quickly shook my head.

"No." I said, that was too much, whether they were on offer or not, whether these people were rich or not, just no.

"Olivia, yes. Besides, this can keep you going for a while right ?" she looked at me and then I just rolled my eyes, dropping the cans. She had won again, there was no point arguing, she would just win in the end anyway.

When Faith was done we headed back to the car and dumped the three bags into the boot. No pyjamas. I had a choice to make.

That night I hardly slept. The room was to big to be comfortable, and the bed had the un-slept in feeling. It felt like a coffin. White and cotton, with a brown lining. I stood up and walked to the balcony windows, I twisted the key and opened the huge door so I could slip through. It was cold, and I hugged my borrowed pyjamas closer around me. I leant against the stone railings, from here I could see the back of the house, and it was such a view. I could hear the sea lapping on the shore behind the trees, and past the huge amount of grass I could see more forestry start. We were surrounded by dense trees and foliage, it was so secluded. I spent the night thinking. Then watched the skies get lighter as the sun rose from the other side of the house, I preferred watching the sun setting anyway. I went back into my room and went into the bathroom. I looked at the shower and all the dials. I frowned slightly. There was no on and off button so I just twisted the first one. Water shot out and was icy cold, I experimented a little more and then got the shopping bags ready and fished out what I needed.

After a hot shower I got dressed back into the same clothes as yesterday, then walked out of my room. Faith was walking down, her back to me, in her dressing gown and hair tied up. I knew she had college today, and so I must have gotten ready earlier or quicker than I thought. I waited for a few minutes than began my descent after her. I didn't get lost, and managed to find the kitchen pretty quickly. I slowly poked my head around and saw the two boys and Faith sitting around the breakfast bar with cereals and a jug of milk, with a toaster plugged in ready for use as well.

Faith turned and beckoned me in, so I did and sat on one of the stools.

"Morning." she greeted, stifling a yawn and handing me a bowl and a plate. "Help yourself to cereal or toast, or there's bacon and eggs in the fridge. Mum and Dad will be down again in a second."

Nathan then hopped down, out of sight of the breakfast bar and opened the huge fridge and brought out a carton of orange juice. He slipped it onto the table, then seemed to clamber back onto the stool with Liam yanking on his arms.

I poured out some Corn Flakes with a little milk and dug a spoon in and began to eat when Sam and James walked in. They were both already dressed, this time Sam joined her husband in the smart attire, she wore a black skirt with a white blouse and black jacket, James had yet another expensive looking suit on with black shiny shoes.

"Olivia," Sam greeted with a smile, "Sorry we all have to leave you today, I can get someone to come keep you company if you wish?" she asked, straight to the point.

I shook my head, I was 18, I think a baby-sitter is a little insulting.

"Urm, I was wondering something." I started, this was by far the easiest part, and it was going incredibly badly.

"Yes." James nudged.

"Well, I need some things." I paused steadying myself, checking my oxygen intake, I didn't need to pass out again, "I need to go back to my house."


End file.
